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Have you ever wondered what lies at the end of the rainbow? Is it gold guarded by a leprechaun? Is the rainbow just made of Skittles? Is there a unicorn waiting for you to hop on to fly you to a far away land? Some times I wonder when I see a rainbow painting the sky. Whether faint or bold, a single or a double, you can't help but think, what riches truly lie at the other end? The older I get and the more work that I do to become a better version of myself, I've realized that I don't have to seek the end of the rainbow to find my riches. When I dream of what it means to be rich, I don't muster up an image of a giant mansion in Beverly Hills with fancy cars (that's too much house to clean and fill with furniture and cars too fancy to carry muddy-shoed kids and hairy dogs). I don't ponder on all the trips I could take and fancy foods I could eat. If I never try escargot in my days, I don't believe I'll be that sad. Give me warm bread and cold butter and I'll be happy for days! Riches mean so much more. I find wealth in the laughter of my children, the terrible dad jokes that my husband tells, the cuddles of my cats and the loyalties of my dogs. The pleasure of being able to collect eggs from my chickens, tend to my roses, and bake cookies with my kids. I am rich beyond measure in the beautiful friendships that I am building. I find great reward in knowing that I am creating bonds with women that support me and I can support them. Uplifting relationships that are based upon honesty, grace, humility, trust, and kinship. These are the women that are helping me to be accountable in my personal and spiritual growth. Women that I can laugh and be open with. I have rarely experienced true friendships in which I can be vulnerable and feel safe in doing so knowing the reward is greater than the risk. The pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow lives in the every day moments of every day life. I get to hug my kids goodbye before school, say prayers with them at night and tuck them in. I get to hold my husband's hand and know that I am treasured by him. Now don't get me wrong. Some days it feels like there is a testy little leprechaun keeping me from seeing this gold. It lives in the moments when I doubt everything I am and everything that I am doing. When I look in the mirror and see new exhaustion in the bags underneath my eyes, in the way the cat gets my tongue and I can't seem to pray the words aloud. When defeat feels stronger than victory. The testy little leprechaun gets to me when this family faces spiritual battles, when the debt seems overwhelming, when all three dogs leave me no personal space for the bathroom. But there is ALWAYS a lining of gold even when the riches at the end of the rainbow seem impossibly far away and there seems to be no unicorn waiting to take you to a far away land. The wealth lies in the important daily reminders that we can tell ourselves, that we can etch onto our hearts, that we can find victory in. I am alive. I am redeemed. I am called a wife, a mama, a daughter, and a friend. I am loved and I get to love. I am free. I am rich in His mercies. I am saved.

For those of us who have and believe in the Holy Spirit, our call is to share the Word of God. Are we modern day Pauls, speaking to a world that lives in darkness? For we once lived in darkness and now we walk in light. Our light is meant to shine and be a lamp to others. We are to live as a breathing example of love, sharing the goodness of God. Yet in a world where it seems everything BUT being a Christian is acceptable, it becomes increasingly difficult to share the word. A desire to bring others into the kingdom of God is often met with rebuke, mockery, and even hatred. The enemy is so alive and present in this dominion over the world, that he quickly looks to extinguish our flames. God already has the ultimate victory, this I know, but before that final day comes, it is my desire to be a vessel to let Him work through me to call His children back to Him. To listen as He calls me to share through written words, singing songs, and loving those around me. Paul met the Lord in Damascus and turned from persecuting those that sought the Lord, to speaking His word to the very end through imprisonment and into death. It is not my job nor my place to judge and condemn, but to do everything in love so the world can see the goodness of God. So that they hear the words and want to receive the gift of eternal salvation. May we accept the honor of being a modern day Paul as we live, breathe, and share the Truth to a world that is hell bent on staying in the dark. May you have a moment with the Lord in your own Damascus and hear Him call unto you for the good works to be done. One light can save many. Jesus did. https://open.spotify.com/track/1hDgFA6aEFjbSxab5krJOx?si=17945dc1c1674740 "Goodness of God"

How may of us resolved to eat healthier this year? Workout more? Go on more trips? Yet how many of us have resolved to work harder at loving our enemies? To put love first instead of hate towards those that we feel have wronged us? To look at another and pray for hope instead of retaliation? As I continue to work through the New Testament, time and time again, I keep coming across verses that call out the message of acting out in love because God first loved us. Verses that echo that as children of God, he dwells in us so our actions should be of righteousness, not malice or hate for those are works of the enemy. This is probably the most faith-forward blog I have written. Usually I try to casually weave in a verse or a faith-based idea. As I dig deeper into the Word, ruminating and praying on the words God has left us, I can't help but to cast aside fear of being ignored or mocked for sharing the gospel. For those that read on, thank you. For those that have rebuffed this post, I pray that you come to know the Lord's love. Because that's what it all comes down to. LOVE. Who am I, who are we, if our purpose is to only put ourselves first, to achieve the perishable wealth of the world for our own gain, and to claim to walk in the ways of the Lord but turn away from our brothers and sisters? 1 John 3:11 - 11 "For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another." ESV 1 John 3:17 - 17 "But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?" ESV When I read these verses, it sounds so simple. Just love. Just help one other. But what if that person has caused you pain, a hurt so deep the wounds are raw. A wrong committed against you so heinous that it brings waves of anger and thoughts of retaliation. I have had those wounds. I have ridden those waves. I have drowned in the rabbit holes of imagining how it would all play out if those people were served their comeuppance. Living in those feelings and thinking those thoughts didn't bring justice, they didn't bring peace. They brought turmoil, took me further away from the Lord. What they did was they drew me closer to the enemy, lured in by the whisperings to just lash out and all would be well. That my pain and anger were justified. What a crock of crap that was. The enemy is good at wrapping up those lies like a delicious chocolate hand pie but when you bite in, it's rotten and repulsive. The Word of God is where we all need to turn to, drinking in the goodness like refreshing water, filling us with the love that he has for us, forgiving our sins, redeeming our hearts with grace. With his promise, we can turn to others in love, forgiving the wrongs, praying for redemption, practicing grace. This year, my resolution is to commit knowing the Word to dwell in a place of love, to make sure that my actions towards all brothers and sisters, regardless of past hurts, judgements, wrongdoings, or failures, are all covered in love. For who am I to claim to walk in the ways of the Lord if I do not put love first. 1 John 3:18 - 18 "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed or truth." ESV

The holidays are over (save for New Years but honestly, bed at nine sounds delightful) and all of the hustle and bustle is winding down. My husband has started to deflate the inflatables, our recycling is piled higher than ever waiting for the next trash day, and I know the house will look so empty and blah once the decorations are put back into their boxes. It's like the "magic" of Christmas starts to dissipate the moment the last gift is opened, the last bite of dessert is had, and the clock turns us forward into the 26th. Like a carriage that is now reverting back into a pumpkin, the Christmas Cinderella now goes back to her normal ways. Does anyone not feel this shift in the world as it all fades away? It has always saddened my heart that the grinches win over this time, that the kindness of Frosty the Snowman or the childlike wonder of Elf just go poof, into the New Year abyss. The "magic" of Christmas shouldn't just come around once a year. Sure. The lights and inflatables, yes. I mean, don't get me wrong, this festive house would put up inflatables and decorations for every small moment throughout the year (we kind of already do!). But what lies in the crux of this magic is the goodness, the kindness, the respect, and the hope that we can pass along to anyone we meet. To the stranger sitting next to us at the movies. To the person we pass in the cereal aisle at the store. To the mom who is struggling to keep her toddler from jumping off the tippy top of the playground fort at the park while holding her newborn babe. Romans 15:2 - 2 "Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up." Who are we, the least of us, if on any given day, at any given moment, we cannot extend the grace and fellowship of the Lord to one another? Many things can be said and translated from a simple smile, a simple meeting of the eyes, a simple hello, a simple act of kindness. Matthew 22:37-39 - 37 "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." This is the "magic" that we should all live by and share throughout the entire year. Just because the lights have come down and the stores force us to buy our swimsuits for June in January (while I still eat my box of Christmas chocolates, thanks to my husband), we can be the Light for others. We don't know what each other has walked through this season. Someone may have lost their loved one. Someone may have found out they no longer have a job to go back to. Someone may be losing in the battle of addiction and see no way out. Someone may be looking for a glimmer of hope in a dark day. Let us love our neighbors as ourselves through the love of Christ that we have in our hearts, souls, and minds. So even when it is all over, May we build each other up for the good of our neighbor. May we let the "magic" of Christmas shine in every day. In every day knowing that we have hope and peace in the salvation that comes from having faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus, the gift and the reason for this season and every season. Our Light, our Hope, our Peace.

When everyone goes around the table on Thanksgiving to recite what they are thankful for, it's usually for friends, family, a roof over heads. I mention those all the time when it's my turn. We can be thankful for anything we say we are thankful for. We have much to be grateful for. Yet, have you ever heard someone say, "I'm thankful for my suffering this year." Or what about, "I'm thankful I got hurt." How about, "I'm thankful I lost my job." If you've said these or heard these at a thanksgiving table, I would venture to say you are one in an extremely minute almost non-existent minority. But why aren't we claiming praise over the very struggles that test our faith, our purpose, our survival in pain? We are called to. Yes. You heard that right. You mean to say that we are called to be thankful for the darkest moments of our days when we can't see past the next minute or the next hour, constantly lifting our hands in exasperation and confusion?! That when loss comes knocking at my door, I'm to welcome it in with open arms and rejoice? Bizarre sounding. I know. Trust me. I feel like these are the conundrums that keep some folks from wanting to turn towards the Word because it doesn't seem to make sense. Why would our God want us to rejoice in our most trying moments? Why would our loving God ask so much of us in a time when we have so little to give? Romans 5:3-5 - 3 " Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." If my life were good and perfect all the time, what need would I have for God? How would I know the sweetest of victories if I never tasted the salty tears of loss and despair? This year has been better than the last but it still had its trials and pitfalls, its moments of anger and strife, tears and bitter pockets of hopelessness. But He never left me. When I chose to feel, to listen, to keep my walls down and my heart open, He filled me with promise, with strength, and with hope. Our suffering can paint the brightest picture filled with a love deeper than our words can describe. A finished painting that has yet to be revealed because with each new endurant suffering, a new stroke is captured, building upon our Hope. Jesus bore our sins so that we could have right relationship with God. He suffered and endured more than any of us will. And He did it because He loves us. Because He wanted the world to have Hope. He rejoiced in His suffering to pour His love into our undeserving hearts. This year, I choose to rejoice in my sufferings. They were not moments meant to hurt me but to build me. To create a stronger foundation. To make my prayers louder, bolder, fuller. Those moments are reflecting broken pieces that are becoming whole in a way I didn't know possible. For that, I am thankful. I am thankful for my family, for my husband, for my friends, for the roof over my head. I am thankful for my pain, my suffering, my despair. I am thankful that my sadness has been transformed into gladness. I am thankful for Love and for Hope. I am thankful to be called His child. https://open.spotify.com/track/60sFQOzyCYMNkVs0CPBnxy?si=719a7475aeb2440b

At least sitting down to write again, albeit it's been a bit, is less rusty than the last time I tried to remember how to ride a bike. Now, one may think that hopping back onto a bike is a simple task. Most of us have known it since childhood. Yes. All the scraped knees, the homemade jumps, trying to pedal as fast as you can to impress your crush (I'm hoping that wasn't just a me thing). Yet, it was more complicated than that. I am the type of person that wants to know how to do something perfectly before I attempt it (how is that even possible?!). I don't want people to see my weaknesses, my flaws. Chalk it up to feeling like I needed to always be perfect growing up so that there wasn't cause for disappointment or punishment (work in progress here people still as an adult). Anywho, moving away from the rabbit hole that is trauma... years and years and years ago, I bought myself a beach cruiser back when I had moved back in with my mom. We lived less than a mile from the beach and riding a beach cruiser was the "cool" thing to do. So, I buy the bike, get back home, and take it for a spin. Mind you, I hadn't been on a bike in quite awhile. I was also in my mid-twenties so I assumed I knew everything and was invincible. Ha! That's a laugh. What the heck did I actually know?! My mom lived on the top of a hill so I was at least smart enough to not conquer going down the hill as my first attempt. Instead, I start out at a leisurely, wobbly, anxiety filled pace heading down the road. I'm cruising. Blonde hair flowing in the wind. Cocky smile on my face. I've got this. Bike, I own you! And then the need to stop. I'm going too fast. Here comes a car. I'm squeezing the handlebars. Why are the brakes not working?! Where are the brakes?! They are always on the handlebars. Oh wait. The pedals are the brakes...it's a beach cruiser. Of course! Too late. Nichol and bike, meet bush and fence. Oh yah. A nice prickly, thorny bush and a lovely white fence right behind it. I made friends with them. What was I thinking, thinking that I knew everything before I checked it all over? Here I am embarrassed, face red from humiliation and love scratches over my arms and face from the bush and a sore nose from crunching into the fence. I didn't give myself grace. I didn't laugh like I would today if it happened. I thought it was the end of the world because I couldn't remember that a cruiser had pedals for brakes. Now, I had to explain myself to anyone that asked why I looked like I had been through the ringer and let people laugh at me. That was terrifying. I don't think I rode the bike again for awhile. It made a great yard decoration. Why do I share this story? That's a great question. I just sat down at my laptop to write and this is what came out. But I think in all of this, what can be learned is that, we all mess up. Not one of us is perfect. Not one of us knows everything that there is to know. Not one of us is any better than someone else that has messed up before. However, there is one that is perfect, that knows the rising of the sun and every hair on our heads, and has been tempted as we have and conquered without sin. We may not be able to give ourselves grace. We may be hard-pressed to give grace to others. We may not feel deserving of receiving the Ultimate Grace. But the good news is, whether we meet face to bush and fence, or we slip into and out of addiction, we fight battles of anger and worthlessness, or we let shame win on the hard days, the One who knows us all, calls us His own. He has grace and mercy unending for even those that consider themselves too far gone to be redeemable. Hear those words and know, there is Hope. 2 Corinthians 5:21 - " 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

I have been praying for God to reignite my fire for this site. He spent forty days working on me during Lent, speaking into, molding, guiding, and building courage within my heart so that I could publish this site. I have been despised for it. It's amazing how much smaller my circle has gotten since posting these blogs, since sharing worship songs, since proclaiming the Good News that is living life with Christ. That must mean that I'm doing something right. I am fighting against the World. Which seems so very backwards. You sit here, scrolling through social media, and these content makers have thousands, hundreds of thousands of views for the most ridiculous, non-sensical, and some times vulgar posts. And then there are those that are bold and say, I believe in a Redeemer that wants to save, and then what? Friends start to trickle away from following and listening, you get the sideways glances, the roll of the eyes followed by "Jesus lover" blah, blah, blah. But guess what? God never said sharing the Gospel would be easy. 2 Timothy 3:12 - " 12 Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted..." ( ESV ). It's not my job to judge. It's not my job to save. It's not my job to stay quiet so that the world can speak louder. It is my job to live a life worthy of someone seeing God's light reflected in my thoughts and actions. It is my job to plant a seed praying that someone's heart will be opened to the goodness of his mercy and love. It is my job to not live in fear of retaliation or loss because my words rub others the wrong way or go against everything that the world says I must accept. It is my job to share my stories. We all have a story. Suffering through addiction. Living through and overcoming trauma. Being a single parent. Surviving the military. Homelessness. Having nothing and then having it all. Having it all and then having nothing. Being hurt by the church. Losing a loved one. No matter the story, no matter the person, no matter the circumstance, no matter the response, we have walked these steps for a purpose. That purpose is to share with others the saving grace that is only found in surrendering to our Lord in whom we can know true peace and love. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - " 9 But he said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. " Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ( ESV ). No matter the insults, the persecutions. No matter what you may lose, who you may lose, the mud you may be dragged through. Your story shares what is waiting for us. Eternity. Grace. Forgiveness. Mercy. Strength. A Father that loves each one of us, waiting to call home anyone willing to open their heart and say, "Yes Lord. I give my life to you." Share your story. He will make you strong in weakness. https://open.spotify.com/track/3QntQwzIBV704yqCHLLmyH?si=c93c68e78a3b4db4 Sinking Deep Image courtesy of Spotify.

Most days I can put it all together and you wouldn't know the deep struggles. Truthfully, I feel deep joy and gratitude many days. There is so much to be thankful for. But there is that undercurrent of dealing with the truth of something horrible that happened to me almost a year ago. And I find myself sitting here doing my normal morning things overwhelmed by a tidal wave of deep emotion. Tears roll down my cheeks and drip into my coffee. I wax and wane between letting it all rise to the surface or telling myself I will deal with it later and push it back down. I mean, it's been almost a year. That should be enough time right? No. There is no timeline when trauma, pain, change, and grief are all inner-connected. Everyone else gives me grace in saying I am where I should be, so why can't I give myself that same grace? If anyone told me the story that I tell others (mind you, when I do speak of it, it is a very abbreviated version with my brain leaving out so many of the memories not yet dealt with), I would tell that person, give yourself time, grace, love, and the space to heal. Here I am though, warring between taking that time and pressing ahead into the productivity patterns that I know so well thinking I should have this all conquered and move on. This is ugly. This is so very difficult. This has been nothing like I thought. But then again, when do we plan for tragedy? This is me, sitting here at my breakfast table, windows open, catching the wafting scent of my roses and freshly watered grass, heart pounding, tears welling, stomach in knots, clenched jaw, fingers feverishly flying over the keyboard just pouring out the first thoughts that come to mind. That's the mind of someone that is still neck deep in the trenches of figuring out the landscape of still uncharted territories. Everyone's trauma, everyone's tragedies, everyone's life-changing moments both pleasant and not, lead us to these uncharted territories. We aren't sure where our next steps will lead after a parent has passed, a loved one is diagnosed with a terrible illness, we lose a job, a home, a relationship. We aren't sure where our next steps will lead after we get accepted into school, we start a new job, we come to church for the very first time or the first time in a long while. Most days, I'm not sure. I'm not sure if anyone wants to hear again about my nightmares, my constant pain, my fears, my tears. I'm not sure how much to tell someone. I'm not sure how much I can trust my body. I'm not sure when "normal" will be normal again. What I am sure of though is that there is so much beauty and love in my life every day that I receive from my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, my animals, from God. Darkness may cloud our minds, our bodies, our situations, but in it all, there is light, there is love, there is a promise. Those are the things to hold tight to when the waves crash over us. When the deep feels deeper than it ever has, there is a God that holds tightly to us through it all, pulling us to him to feel again. Do not ever give up. Do not ever let the fear of where our next steps go be greater than the truth that there is a purpose in each step and a purpose that we each have yet to fulfill. If you ever feel that the deep is too deep, that the dark is too dark, or the steps are too difficult, reach your hand out. There is a God willing to take it and never let go. There is always somewhere to turn. There is always someone to help. Let those that want to love and listen do so. We are never alone. We are never unloved. We are never less than. We are more than enough. We will rise through the storms to feel that light, that love, that promise. We are enough. I am enough. https://open.spotify.com/track/5tnRnYnQIm9iJCraZGpOJp?si=4ce7ab3a8ca54565 "Hold Onto Me"

I had a whole blog written up about guilt. Just revised the last sentence and put the ending period in its place. And then...a bubble pops up on my screen saying "We are experiencing a technical issue" and a button that forces me to press to "reload". And then...it all disappears. The whole blog. Gone. Okay. Well, what next? Internally, I scream. Outwardly, I sigh heavily which prompts the kids to ask, "What's wrong?" Oh the usual. Made a plan, attempted to execute said plan, said plan blew up in my face, flames of petty anguish fanned my self-doubt, and I reached for the bag of lemon cookies to emotionally eat away my feelings of frustration. Fast forward to now ten minutes later, my stomach feels like it needs to be coated in the neon pink that is Pepto Bismol and my mind is talking me into staying in my comfy clothes and giving up for the day. Heck, while I'm at it, why don't I just quit school, forget ever doing laundry again, question my whole existence, let the kids and the animals rule the house, and emerge from my bed only to caffeinate myself. Totally warranted, right? A bit excessive, yes. A bit unrealistic, yes. But overwhelming nonetheless. Life happens. We all know that. We live it every day. From the small hiccups like spilling coffee on our brand new shirt to the flat tire on the way to work to the big life changing events like losing a loved one or finding you no longer have a job to go to. It's the "how" when we find ourselves shifting our mindset and our actions in these moments that then dictate the ways in which we conquer these mountains. Here's the wonderful news, there's a Mountain Mover that walks with us to show us the way. That way may be over, under, around, through, or beside the mountain but there is ALWAYS a way. Some times He packs a bag of dynamite and the mountain is blown away. Some times it's only a small chisel that ever so slowly carves away at the mountain. Some times it's an airplane to fly over. Some times it's a pair of hiking boots to climb. No matter the method, it most likely is never the way that we envisioned it to be. It is almost never the plan that we originally put into motion. That's the beauty in our failed plans. We can stop trying to do it our way and do it the way that the Waymaker has planned. That being said, that doesn't mean that His way is easier, is shorter, or is faster. His way is always better than our way. I seem to walk out plans that are gut-wrenching, faith testing, full of tears, millions of questions, and an abundance of frustration and confusion. However, I wouldn't change walking those paths for anything. In those moments, I find growth in my faith, in my purpose, in my identity, and in my trust of things unseen. What we may think is Plan A is truthfully probably Plan Z but we just started backwards thinking we were moving forwards. Try this the next time you find that a plan is suddenly halted, turned upside down, and leaves you needing to conjure up a new plan. Pause. Listen. Feel. Trust. Follow. When we follow where He asks us to go, you will find no greater comfort, no greater faith, no greater joy than knowing you're walking a path and fulfilling a plan that already has a known beginning, middle, and perfect end. Some times our failures are truly our beginnings.

I haven't been myself in almost a year. I'm a version of myself. Newer, I suppose. Someone familiar yet unfamiliar. That's what happens when something grows. Well, tries to grow as is in my case. You see, something life changing happened to me almost a year ago. I'm not able to talk about it just yet due to legal happenings and I don't think I'm in a place anyways to fully dive back into every detail of what happened. That's one of the works in progress. What I am able to share is that it impacted me physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. I believe that because of my faith in a good God, the love and devotion of my husband, friends, and family, I am able to continue my daily work in processing and recovering from this trauma. Trauma. That's a funny word. You hear it used all the time in so many different contexts. Some deal with it well, others, not as well. It can cause a cascade of responses and behaviors both positive and negative. It can get locked away in the body and held tight leading to sickness, fatigue, defeat (p.s. a great book to read on that is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Link at the end). Have you ever experienced trauma? Do you know someone that has? How have you seen it affect a life? It can be an intensely emotional rollercoaster walking through it and/or walking someone else through it. It's full of triggers, tears, screams and shouts, doubts, fears, questions, hope, and hopelessness. We walk through a fire that molds us and shapes us into a new being by the time we reach the other side. Like a piece of delicate glass. This is the growth. Yet, we don't always agree with the final masterpiece. I am still neck deep in the grief process of all the things taken from me because of someone else's choice. I can't physically do the same things I used to. I go to more therapies than I can count. I have fears and nightmares I never had before. My body has changed. My plans have changed. I mourn what I was and what I thought I was to be. I'm holding on tightly to a version of myself that no longer exists. When I fail at something or fight with the version of myself I see in the mirror, I give power to an evil that is no match to the power of the work of my God. At the root of any version of who I am, I am a child of God first and foremost. I may grieve what was and not accept what is. In that, I take the glory away from God who is doing a new thing in me. He told me in the middle of it all as it was happening, "I am here". If he was with me at the worst, he is walking next to me as I work to grow into the best. That same truth stands true for you. Psalm 30:11-12- 11"You have turned my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, 12 that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. Oh Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" He is growing us into something new from the ashes of our pain. Link for the book mentioned above. https://a.co/d/1udp0wR

I got this Uhale digital photo frame for my birthday and I am in love! Super easy to setup and you can share your frame QR code with friends and family so they can send pictures to it. I know I may be late to the party on this digital wave but this might be one of the coolest things we've gotten lately. We feel extra connected to those we don't get to see all the time. Just download the Uhale app, link with the QR code, and ta-da! You can connect with friends and family that may be near or far. Our daughter is loving sending her photo faves to it. We now get to see the world through lots of lenses! Link below but can also be found on trusty Amazon. https://portal.zeasn.tv/uhale.html

Time is precious. How ever little or how ever much you have. During my days working as a nurse in the pediatric ICU, we became all too familiar with helping families grieve the losses of brand new babies, toddlers, children, and teens. Some families would only get a day, some a few more than others. Some knew that the end was inevitable and some never had a chance to say goodbye. Many had tears, some anger, most despair. I can still hear the wails and cries. I hear the haunting singing of hymns and chants blessing a soul departed. Time. It is a thing we can never get back. We love. We lose. We cry. We laugh. We make mistakes. We learn. What is important to you when you think about time? For my husband, it is wishing he could have back the 425 days that were taken from him when someone went back on a promise and took away his son and daughter. For my friend, it is wishing that she could see and hug her children again. To love them only like a mother can. For others it is wishing that they had worked harder to mend what was breaking. Maybe taking that trip instead of signing to up to work overtime. Having that extra scoop of ice cream after dinner. Maybe holding onto the memories of seeing smiles and hearing laughter over Christmas time. Or savoring the smells that a spring rain brings as the drops hit the pavement. We can't turn back the clock. We can't undo the choices we have made. We have walked our steps and now, we look ahead to where we need to walk next. With each tick of the clock, we have a choice. We get the choice to spend our time loving one another, even our enemies. We get the choice of who we spend it with, how we spend it, and how we affect others. Even time with just ourselves. How we see ourselves, talk to ourselves, love ourselves. Each tick of the clock is a chance to walk our steps in the way that the Lord leads us. A chance to be more, to be loved greater, to love greater, and to find fulfillment in what is true and good. Time, no matter how little or how much, can be used for amazing things. We can grow, we can learn, we can try again, we can forgive, we can laugh, we can change, we can listen. We can share a word, we can raise a prayer, we can tell a joke, we can sit in silence. We can be a friend, a father, a mother, a sister, a brother, a leader, a disciple, a sanctifying work of creation. The world can't take away our sorrows, mend our brokenness, give back what it has stolen, forgive what has been wronged, or give beauty for ashes, but Jesus can. He can take it all and turn graves into gardens. He can give back what has been taken. He can mend what has been broken. Because he is good. Because his words are true. Because time is all that he has. We are his for eternity and he will work through every moment to bring you out of darkness and into light. He will work to make right the wrongs. You just have to welcome him in. He has time to wipe your tears, to bless you with joy, to fulfill what is empty, to be everything that you need. He has time for you because you are everything to him. So when you think on time since passed and time yet to come, look upon the cross and know that although his time was short on the earth, he has all the time to give to you. Time with him heals and time with him brings joy. It may not always be in our time, but it is always perfect in his time. Time. But a glimpse here on earth, living for eternity in heaven.