Relentless Pursuit

I'm a creature of habit. I like to sit in the same seat when I write these posts. The same seat where I do my schoolwork, my devotionals, and the daily Wordle. This morning though, I'm switching it up (real risk taker, I know!). I'm seated at my daughter's chair at our dining room table, taking in her perspective of what she sees when she sits here.

She's a newly minted teenager. She is intelligent, so very kind and compassionate, has a merciful heart, and a well-timed sense of humor. She is respectful and very observant. She absorbs the vibes of the environment around her and is keen on picking up on how others feel. A true empath.

She is a gift. But she is also an enigma. She is a lot like her father. Quieter, introspective, a processor of emotions before expression, a creative mind, like the artists they both are. She is a peacekeeper, for better or worse. There are many things in this world that she knows are wrong and hurtful, but to keep the peace, she will respond with subduedness, not wanting to upset others.

I love all of those things about her but I can see that there is a lion waiting to roar inside of her. I know that she knows the rights and the wrongs. She will point them out and say so. I can feel the waves of righteousness rise up in her but she will quiet them back down, unsure of how to express them. She is a quiet warrior. You can feel her, standing at the precipice of roaring from the top of her lungs, but still, she doesn't know yet how to roar in courage.

To roar in courage means standing in what is right, knowing the words to express the emotions, being confident to stand against that fear, to trust in what she believes and who she is. Who she is, is the exact daughter God knew that I needed. She didn't come to me by birth, but she is everything that I didn't know I was without. She is worth the relentless pursuit.

I heard this song one day, https://open.spotify.com/track/3u3W95qs2ORC9OXc3H6vfX?si=069f4de78b494445, Relentless Pursuit by Kim Walker-Smith and Skylar Smith. Immediately my heart had a vision of my daughter. Some nights later, I had a dream. She was standing in between me and her biological mom. She had to leave me. As she slowly walked away, she stopped, turned to me. Fear was in her eyes, pleading for her not to go. I felt the deepest sadness in my heart as I saw her, scared, torn, wanting to turn away but unable to.

Then, as she was looking right at me, she started singing Relentless Pursuit. The loudest I have ever heard her. It wasn't just singing. She was stamping the words on my heart telling me that for her and to help her, it was a relentless pursuit after her and after God. If you listen to the song, you will know.

You will feel.

I felt.

I heard.

I haven't forgotten.

This wasn't just a dream. I believe wholeheartedly God was talking to me. She is everything I never knew I needed. For her, I will relentlessly pursue. I will be her lion until she finds and trusts the one inside of her. I will pray for her to know courage, to have the words, to feel safety in being bold, and for the strength to continue to pursue.

There is no place so dark that I would not go for her. There is no lesson I wouldn't learn to teach her. There is no power in this world that could keep me from saving her. I know where I place my trust. I know where I find my hope. I know that God called me to be her Mama to pursue her, to help her roar, to help her soar, to help her feel freedom in courage and confidence. She is my relentless pursuit.